"I want somebody who cares"

Do you ever have that moment where you look for nightfall?  That moment when you don’t have to hide, be ashamed, or feel guilty about your weaknesses?  Where the darkness shields your sadness?  I feel like the whole entire body of me fights to get there.  I trudge forward to get lost in unconsciousness.  I live to shed the costume of success.  I am so tired.  I sleep, only to awaken to a life I do not want to live.  One in which there are expectations associated with superficial success.  I have taken care of myself for so long, I have fended for myself, built a dream.  I am absolutely independent, taking nothing from anyone, and the only thing I want is to love and be loved.  All the money in the world, all that is valued, I have earned.  Beauty, intelligence and humor, the trinity of desire.  But with it comes absolute self-doubt.  I am always second-guessing the motives of others, and all I’m left with is tears.  One of my friends said that is the fate of the “beautiful, smart woman.”  Potential partners will always one value or the other, and my self-destructive nature will answer to what they are calling.  For the man who seeks beauty, I will be seductive.  For the man who seeks enlightenment, I will provide challenge.  But who will nurture me?